To: Dhobi Ghats
Re: Pulling Rank
The mountains of clothes in the sleeping and living areas must be dealt with. It is imperative that no rerun of “Clean House” may elapse without a load of laundry traversing the short yet critical distance between the washer and the dryer, no cnn check ins, no trash news, no reddit, no facebook, if the dishes are still in the sink. No checking to see if anyone interesting has emailed since five minutes ago without first picking up both of the almonds that have been on the floor since Sunday.
This heinous task, this “laundry,” shall be dispatched according to the following manifest:
1. Towels of any size
2. Sheets
3. Jeans
4. underwear
Though you dare not suggest I explain myself, so that you can appreciate my scathing powers of discernment (and in order to form a more perfect ego), I will do so.
Towels: Most useful? Most important? Nay and nay. Easiest to fold. Relatively easy to put away.
Sheets: Easy to fold and few in number, unless you run a motel.
Jeans: See above.
Are you beginning to see a pattern here? We will avoid folding clothes at nearly all costs! We don’t like smeshing them into the drawers, and trying to file them away in closets. We will wash the easy stuff and hope for the other loads to deal with themselves; the matching of socks, the hanging up of blouses, the folding of trousers. If they don’t, we will finish the job, but only after procrastinating as long as possible. When you run out of shirts without reindeer on them, wash.*
Please direct all questions to your immediate supervisor. Thanks in advance for your cooperation.
* That was a joke. I swear I do not have any clothes with reindeer on them. Sock monkeys, yes. Reindeer, no.
