Today I was walking to the grocery store and saw that the signs were out for “Antique Sale Today” at the best little antique mall in town, according to some people who make lists like that. Those signs mean 20% off everything, so I decided to duck in. I have money, time, and no mirror in my bathroom for the past year and a half. I also need a lamp for my living room and a plant, but the plant is a different store, and story, for another day. I saw the perfect lamp about two months ago at Tuesday Morning, but I couldn’t afford it at the time, so I didn’t buy it. I kind of regret that, because even if I had charged it, if it’s in my living room for the next ten years (since it matched perfectly all of my most important furniture), it wouldn’t derail my plan to be out of credit card debt by the deadline I’ve set for myself. Then I’m going to start paying all my bills with one of those cards that gives you money back. I love the amazon.com Visa—you get points that you can spend on anything listed on amazon. That’s all my Christmas shopping for paying my bills. Instead of carrying a checkcard in the front pouch of my purse or the back pocket of my pants, I’ll carry this credit card. Use it the exact same way I would use my checkcard: with a fairly specific running tally in my head and a frugal and careful outlook on the household affairs. Carry a completely different credit card for credit card emergencies, and the same minimal cash as always from the checking account as needed.
But anyway so I was walking to the grocery store and I stopped at the antique mall. You might be thinking that this site is called the year without shopping, and what am I doing shopping? Well the answer to that is on page one, my very first entry ever, where I outline the prohibited items: Clothing, shoes, and handbags. I couldn’t call the site “year without clothes,” because that would bring the wrong audience and they would probably throw rotten vegetables. I hope you don’t feel cheated; I hardly ever go to stores anymore, aside from the grocery, where I go about every two days. As I said, mirror and lamp…
I went for the mirror, sincerely I did, but I didn’t find one and my favorite booth in the place is one that has lots of table linens. I’ve decided to try switching to cloth napkins. Maybe it will be less waste? But there is also the washing of the cloth ones to consider, in that thirsty, shivering machine and it’s blistering counterpart, so I’m going to try it out and see how much extra laundry we make. Obviously I am suggesting that I would reuse the same napkin through several meals, provided it wasn’t heavily soiled. I went through each piece of linen in the booth, and I waffled as I browsed, since I’m going to Ecuador in a week and I can probably buy cool textiles there. But these things were less than eight dollars apiece. Cheap thrill, as it were. One particular booth has beautiful, clean, handmade linens from the, I’d say, ‘40’s on up. I chose two tablecloths that ended up being too small and some cocktail napkins embroidered with martinis. They weren’t expensive and they will make a great little gift for a friend or a hostess gesture. I have someone in mind, so I won’t say more.
Then I glanced my way somewhat hurriedly through the rest, until the next linen booth, and the jewelry, though only very briefly there, since I’d already collected about twenty dollars worth of stuff, two tablecloths and the cocktail napkins. I made for the home stretch; the short path along the back of the store to the long main aisle that leads to the register. Before me, I spied a rack of clothes, and I would normally never look at clothes in an antique mall anyway, but something caught my eye. What’s this? A Nicole Miller dress in a snazzy jacquard fabric? It looks small, too, and I like the colors on all three of them! I look at the price tag. It reads “Nicole Miller Laundry Bag: $12.” “That’s a crazy name for a design,” I think. “It’s hippy though. Tina could fix it. Hm…”
I thought of you, dear readers. I did. And then I looked at the other two, just to see, hypothetically, which one I liked the best. And I thought of where I might try one on. I peeked inside the neck of the dress. It was unlined. At first I thought, okay, maybe this is a design sample or something, and it’s unfinished. I looked at the tag again. It still said laundry bag. I held the dress up and discovered that it was most certainly exactly as stated on the tag. The bottom was sewn together and the sleeves were also. But look at this and tell me you wouldn’t be fooled!


Then there’s this question: Why the hell would you want a laundry bag that looks like a dress? Can you imagine the questioning glances, the disapproving eyebrow smirks that you will get carrying your laundry in what looks like a second rate cocktail dress?
P.S. The tablecloths were too small, so I gave one to a friend whose birthday it is today and I will take back the other. I may or may not seek a replacement. I also bought 12 simple, matching napkins for 25% off $6, which I feel is an excellent deal. No more paper napkins, which are what, a few bucks each time, so in the amount of time it takes to go through two bags of napkins, these have paid for themselves.